


Bill Never Forgets

by patheticfangirl (orphan_account)



Category: Real Person Fiction, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Crack, John Mulaney References, M/M, Season/Series 16, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, This One's For Tumblr, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:49:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28111191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/patheticfangirl
Summary: Misha thought former President Bill Clinton would forget. He didn't.
Relationships: Bill Clinton/Misha Collins
Comments: 5
Kudos: 40





	Bill Never Forgets

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. 
> 
> Full credit to John Mulaney, whose bit I stole.

I want to tell you a story about Misha Collins and Bill Clinton.

For those of you who don't know, Bill Clinton was President of the United States from 1993 until 2011, and was a smooth and fantastic hillbilly. Not the Bill Clinton of 2020 who jets around the world with Bill Gates curing diseases. This Bill Clinton was a Buddy Garrity from _Friday Night Lights_ -looking guy who played the saxophone on Arsenio, and his work in the STD community was not in curing anything. That was the Bill Clinton that Misha Collins first met.

It was 1995, during Clinton's first term as President. Misha, then known as Dmitri, had recently graduated from the University of Chicago. As if by fate, he scored a White House internship. And maybe 'scored' isn't the best choice of words there, but then again... maybe it is.

Due to certain character traits, he wasn't the best intern. He always brought the wrong coffee. He spent way too much time checking his pager. Any time he was dropped in front of a desktop computer, he'd get distracted and spend thirty painful, dial-up internet minutes trying to upload nude forest shots to his personal Geocities page. 

Bill noticed, and chastised the intern. "Why can't you be more like Monica?"

The next day, Dmitri showed up in a blue dress, absolutely rocking it.

Bill Clinton smiled as he shut the Oval Office door.

\---

Flash forward, it's 2020. 

Misha Collins isn't acting at the moment. Driven by sheer, never-ending fuckery, he's all in on politics. He's fundraising for Stacey Abrams and dodging questions about the _Supernatural_ series finale like it's his job. 

His Pièce de Resistance? Buying a meet and greet with Jensen Ackles so a fan can't, and so his friend won't have to talk about that godforsaken episode.

It's during this 'meet' and greet that Misha receives a stunning piece of news. An email. He's been invited to a large meeting of Democratic donors. And Bill Clinton is going to be there.

"We have to go see Bill," Misha says.

"Why?" Jensen asks. "It's not like he's gonna remember you."

That motherfucker.

"Fine. I'll go by myself."

Misha walks into a big hotel ballroom. It was the Palmer House Hilton, big Hilton hotel ballroom. It’s actually the ballroom from the end of the movie _The Fugitive,_ when Harrison Ford was Dr. Richard Kimble bursts in to confront Dr. Charles Nichols because found out that Nichols, along with Devlin MacGregor and Lentz, who has mysteriously died, they had hired Frederick Sykes, the one-armed man, to kill Kimble. Kimble’s wife wasn’t even the target. But they were gonna kill Kimble because he wasn’t gonna approve certain liver samples to pass RUD-90. So, Kimble finds out about all of this, and, of course, he’s furious. And he bursts into the ballroom and he goes, “You switched the samples!” And Dr. Nichols is like, “Ladies and gentlemen, my friend, Dr. Richard Kimble.” He goes, “You switched the samples! And you doctored your research! So that you could have Provasic!” Anyway, so it’s that ballroom. 

It's packed with people. And on the far side of the ballroom, under a spotlight, he sees a shimmering bit of white hair. It's him. Bill Clinton. 

But the former President is surrounded by reporters and photographers and Secret Service. So what can a person do?

Well, if you're Misha Collins, you grab the nearest unattended child and push it forward like a human shield. 

"This ten-year-old boy has to meet the former President!" he shouts, sort of implying that the child might be dying.

Doubt fills his mind as Misha Collins presses forward, swinging this random kid like a snowplow, mowing down Chicago Democrats. _He probably doesn't even remember me._ Nevertheless, he pushes past all the reporters, past all the photographers, past all the Secret Service and lands at Bill Clinton's feet.

Bill Clinton turns, looks at Misha Collins and says, "Hey, Dmitri."

Because he never forgets a bitch, ever.


End file.
